Hello everyone. I have a really big question. and a long story, so if you don't want to read it, then its okay. I'm 19 years old. I really don't want to be stuck up. But for the most part, I'm a kind, respectful person. I can be pretty shy, but since I met my girlfriend, I haven't been as shy. Lets start with some Medical health history. When I was a kid (around 7 years old) One of my teachers told my mom that I wouldn't pay attention in class and that my mom should check me into a doctor to see if I had ADD/ADHD. My mom didn't want to, and blamed it on lack of sleep. In 5th Grade, I would always be drawing and never paid attention in class. My teacher had to talk to my mom, yet my mom still didn't do anything about it. During 7th grade, I had to be put into a Study Hall class, all the way until 12th grade. A lot of Drama went on during my teen years (10th grade mostly) My ex girlfriend cheated on me, emotionally abused me, we were at each others throats. this was a long distance relationship. I threatened to kill myself. I would always (and still, but not as much) get into fights with my mom. In 10th grade I would randomly get depressed and irritable (could be because I was listening to Pink Floyd) And didn't want to be around my friends at school, and would always get irritable and lash out if someone interrupted me while I was listening to my music. Actueally, during class, I was turning my phone off, and the teacher told me to put it away, and everyone of my classmates were staring at me, and I got pissed off, got up, called a girl a ***** and stormed out of the room. they called an SRO (School Resource officer) I HATE, I mean HATE, being humiliated. I get so angry. I was eating on these steps with my NEW girlfriend. This was 11th grade, and the principle came up to me and told me that we couldn't eat up there and I said "okay, sorry" and went to throw my food into the garbage. My hair was covering my eyes and he said "Look at me when you talk." in a stern voice. I felt myself getting angry, and I could tell that everyone was watching. Or at least in my mind. I told the Principle "Fu*ck you!" And he said "What did you say??!" and started lecturing me, and I felt even more angry. My girlfriend told him to back off and leave me alone. I get jealous and irritable really easily, and I feel anxious in public. I feel like people are watching me and staring at me. At school, I was the quiet kid that no one liked. Sometimes I had suicidal tendencies, but never acted on them. Also, sometimes when I'm talking to my girlfriend, trying to tell her something, she will half listen and be really distracted with something (like playing with her dog and saying its name and stuff) and it irritates the fu*ck out of me. Don't get the wrong impression, I treat my girlfriend like a queen. We will be going on 2 years this 28th. I don't abuse my girlfriend mentally or emotionally, and I am there for her 24/7 when she is having a bad day. Anyway, My main thing is, Today my girlfriend and I had a double date with her best friend, and her new boyfriend. My girlfriend and her friend took a picture and I got really irritated because I wasn't in it and I felt really ignored. I HATE being ignored. Can't stand it. Also I was about to play on a piano but my girlfriend told me not to because her sister was sleeping and I got irritated (because she said that in front of her friend and her boyfriend and I felt embarrassed) When someone else is getting praised, I feel awkward and jealous, but when I'm getting praised, I don't know how to handle it and get shy and it only lasts a few seconds. Anyway, sometimes little things, like being ignored can make me feel depressed and irritable. Sometimes I'll be depressed and irritable all day over something, sometimes it'll only last until I resolve it with someone. I'm always anxious to go to my girlfriends facebook page. I don't know why. I'm afraid a guy will be flirting with her or something. I always feel anxious. Sometimes when I'm really in the creative mood i'll talk fast and all these ideas will be in my head, because I like to write songs and books. When I'm depressed or irritable , things either seems slow or fast and i'll be horny and feel like Anything can set me off. I smoke pot SOMETIMES and it seems to be the best medication. Smoking 1 hit makes me feel happy and not really anxious. Its not lack of pot however, because I've felt irritable and stuff before I even started smoking it. When I listen to bands like nirvana, I want to let my anger out and just smash sh*it and be angry. Anyway, sorry guys for all the venting. But Is any of this normal? Or am I suffering from something? I'm 19 by the way.