Thank you Darkness, I thought people thought I was mean and rude and self centered. But in reality, I try so hard to help in ways that people can't see. So I can be invisible. It makes me embarrassed when people acknowledge my efforts. I never know what to say.

Lately I've been wanting to shrink into a tiny nonexistent ball. Everything hurts. My brain my eyes my stomach my heart. It hurts so much. I want to stop trying. I want to give all my money away to the people who really need it. I don't want to exist if someone else could live a better life from what I left behind.

Sorry I don't know what I'm saying anymore. It's funny how when you really want to stop trying, but still try to reach out to friends or call some hotline, they don't respond to you. I guess I've done a really good job being invisible.