i appreciate your post. i understand so much what you're saying. here, for years, i never blamed the mother for anything. i put her as a larger victim than i because that's what she wanted me to believe. she focused so much on her "drama queen" self that she totally neglected me and the abuses i suffered. she wouldn't see what was happening to me because, even tho i was a child, i was supposed to make her life better somehow.

it took me a long time to change the view of my mother from victim to accomplice to abuse...she could have stopped what was happening to me. she kept everything secret.

i agree with you. the father here was blamed for so much...more even than he deserved (and he deserved plenty). he was an easier target for all of the blame because he was so outwardly mean. maybe that's how it is with the mothers because they're the main caretakers in most homes? i see what you're saying tho, but here it was in reverse...the father got blame he didn't deserve and the mother got none. now, things are clearer. the father has his role he played, and the mother, hers. any way you look at it, they BOTH failed they're children in many ways.

((((((((((((( safe hugs )))))))))))))))