Thanks for the advice.

I definitely have some kind of anxiety - about multiple things, not just social matters. But thinking back to the one almost-relationship I had, yes, anxiety was the main thing I felt. But I also enjoyed it...to be fair, said relationship wasn't that healthy. He and I were polar opposites energy-wise (he was one of those very intense people, I'm slower and more chill); plus he had a rescuer syndrome and I was a mental mess thankful for a rescuer who made me feel cherished. Until he found someone who "needed him more" and ran off with her for a while, then came back to me...it was an awful idea.

Your point about my mom is something I've considered now that I'm older. That might be why she often seemed emotionally unavailable to me. I should be understanding, I shouldn't be so wrapped up in my own interpretation...nope, still annoyed.

I'll be honest, I'm trying to take everything you say into consideration...but I don't really believe in repression. I'm not sure about the notion that I have some unconscious trauma. Honestly, my mom always chalked my behavior up to eccentricity associated with high intelligence (which I doubt, for reasons).