I'm lonely and I feel empty right now. I hate myself. My T is on vaca for two weeks and I can't see her for another week. I hate myself so much right now for no real apparent reason.

I haven't cut for about a month and a half. I don't want to disappoint my T and I've made a promise with her to try not to and follow through with our plan. Hard for me to cut my wrist either cause my brother noticed my cuts 2 months ago, although I lied and said I don't do it anymore and it was from a long time ago.



I've been having trouble with intrusive thoughts and idealization of dying and with scenarios where I never existed or no longer existed. Though I'm not in a emotional or unstable state where I would act on those thoughts. I texted my T about this though to just let her know about my idealizations right now.

Just noticed....my title doesn't really make sense/relate to my post either

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