Carrie,
Wow, thank you soo much! Your thoughts really helped a lot... i didn't realize that those could be the reasons why i am not feeling dependant anymore... though i guess it was at the back of my mind, i must have just been occupying myself with thoughts of the failures i have experienced in regards to these feelings. What you said makes complete sense to me, and it was really what i needed to hear. I am also extremely glad that i have this outlet... because chances are, i would have become so afraid of shutting off... that i actually would (that has happened in the past too)

One other thing... I know relationships come and go and blah blah blah... especially at my age... but here's the other thing, as much as I know i am young, and college life, going into being an adult (3 months until i am 18) is usually the peak of dating and such... as much as i know all that, i want this to last forever... first and foremost because i love him so much, and also, because he has given me so much hope for the future... One time, before we were going out, before i even admitted to myself that i really liked him, he told me about this dream he had, it started at the present time in our lives, we were in school, we were in love, and it forwarded to 6 years later... he was a junior in college and i was out of college, (i had graduated 3rd in a class of 600... this part made me cry because i am very smart, but do to the things i have been through and depression, i haven't been able to get my act together, i've even had to go to summer school because i couldn't function during the school year) but anyways... we had a fight that he didn't think meant much, but it meant a lot to me. So one day i came home, and there were rose pedals leading upstairs to the bedroom, it lead in, and on the bed was a little card saying sorry, i smiled as i looked at the card, and as i turned to leave, i noticed him in dimly lit corner holding a little box........ I keep thinking that if i ever lose him, that i don't know if i would have that kind of a future, because i've never believed in any of that for myself... true love, having a lasting relationship, and mostly, of academically achieving for myself a sound future. If i lost him id probably lose all hope in the world for all of that... which is probably the main reason i became so dependant.

Well anyways, thank you so much for your support, i appreciate the things you've said.