I didn't specifically mean mess up with respect to the therapist, I meant mess up in the sense of having been unsuccessful in achieving some goal or doing what I'd set out to do. I have given her the symbolic authority to be okay with my imperfections and have that mean something to me. She doesn't have actual authority, she doesn't literally give me any kind of permission, rather she uses her symbolic authority to help me see other perspectives. For example she helps me to internalize the idea that when I fall short in some way, there's a reason for it and I can choose to cut myself a little slack rather than decide that I suck.

She "gives me permission" to be imperfect and still recognize that I have worth as a human being. I can still do or feel whatever I want but my idea is to use therapy to change in some substantive ways and so I've decided over time to allow her attitudes and ideas to matter to me. I am not able to achieve the change I want through sheer brute force or singleminded effort, I actually need to feel attached to her and have her matter to me to make those shifts.