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I recall being as young as 9 or 10, and I now realize "emotional abandonment" is the best term for what I felt. And I know there was a fear of her dying as well, but mostly that only cropped up when she was in a depressive state and talking about suicide. No idea why I felt the way I did , my guess would be stuff involving grief and being busy.
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Your father had passed away and your mother spoke to you about her own suicide, in other words, she spoke of intentionally leaving you. Of course a child would feel abandoned.
But I would not attend too much right now to the specific term
emotional abandonment. My view is to speak in therapy about your relationship with your mother, and the correct words, whatever they may be, will gradually become apparent to you and to your T.