I hope that some other people who know more about it will answer your post. What you are describing sounds to me like a compulsion, as in OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder.) It's very treatable with medication.

You could talk to your primary care physician about it, if you have one that you are comfortable with and trust, or you could also go straight to a psychotherapist or other mental health provider to get a diagnosis.

I don't know how old you are or what your health insurance situation is. If you don't have insurance, if you call United Way at 211, they will be able to tell you who you can see in your area for treatment.

Hugs.