hi Lelouch

Not going on is never the answer. It would totally devastated the lives of your loved ones and you don't want to do that.

Having a consuming passion does give meaning to life. That could be a charitable cause that attracts or reconnecting with something that fired you up in earlier times. That would allow you to know you are making a difference. Take care. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis