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I think it might help to talk to your husband about this. You are reaching out and feeling really low about this and while you seem to want to cut there is also a part of you that does not. Grab on to that part of you that does not want to cut and reach out to your husband. Having his support can help you deal with these urges and get to a better place. I do like the idea of hiding the blades or putting a barrier between you and the blades.
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