That's probably a good thing, but is actually just an acknowledgement of something that should have happened ten years ago. I should have been given proper care in the hospital, not abused and overmedicated. I dont state the word abuse light, this was extreme abuse.

How do I think or rationalize the relationship with my parents. A retired crazy activist mom and a selfless dad who really wanted to put faith into the establishment that ruined me ie PSYCHIATRY... I didnt just fall through a crack I was cracked in the time warp seriously...am I in denial? Did I really seem to be having paranoid schizophrenia when I was fifteen, or was that an excuse.

Now my new psychiatrist at a different practice underscores: too many labels! He's Indian I think. I really like him and I don't want to switch back over. He is better than any other doctors I have had so far and I've had a few. But all of them so patronizing, he may be a little direct but he doesn't patronize me. He knows I have been abused. I think it must be obvious to him and he must care.

That makes me feel better. I was always confused. I resisted a medicated existence for so much of that time, 16-26. That is ten years for an illness I should have not had. I faked an episode so I could escape bullying in boarding school. I was ashamed and embarrassed. There was a rumor at school that something happened, but whatever that means at this point. It just hurts I am always the target and I just want to ****ing live my full potential and it just keeps getting ****ing taken from me all the time and I dont want to fit in and I dont want a 9-5 job for a society that once deemed me a reject and created this condition!

This is how I clash with everyone. It started with abuse and ended with a label to justify it. Bipolar doesn't justify it. I don't ****ing know what's wrong with me!!!