Okay, I am having my usual spell of the blues, as always right about when my period starts. God, it's awful. It seems like I am productive and then bam! I spend at least two days in bed, my energy is down and I feel worthless. This makes me hate being a woman! The thing is that I have been feeling really great, really productive, gotten my office organized and stuff done but there are now a few loose threads to finish projects and I can't seem to finish them. Is this self-destructive or what?! I am feeling my loneliness acutely and I don't know if it's the depression or just facing the reality that there is no one significant in my life. Is the rest of the month just me being in denial? I don't know what to do. I take clonazepam for anxiety and that helps but I don't know if I should take more medication or if this is even a problem. It seems that there are people with worse concerns here, you know. I just don't want to go back in the hole! I've been there and then have been out for over a year with these dark spells every now and then. I just wish that I could trust in the recovery. I am also getting ready to see the folks for the first time in years and that is causing its own stress. I just want to figure out how to cope and get my work done! It's all I seem to have with the exception of a few good friends. I don't think that people know how lonely I get. I accomplish so much and there's no one to say, "Hey that's great! Look at that!" It seems so pointless ... does all my effort matter? I am tired of just having things matter only to me. Ugh!