About four years ago I was sitting in class and all of a sudden I couldn't see. My vision was all messed up and I was convinced that I was going blind, had a brain tumor, was having a stroke, or all of the above. Long story short, the eye doctor found nothing, and told me I most likely had an ocular migraine. Since that time I think I only experienced one more of them during a time of extreme stress.

Well on Thursday I took the Miller Analogies Test (for my doctoral application) and afterwards I figured I pretty much blew it. Even though I have been told a million times that the selection will be based upon many other criteria besides the test, I started to believe that I could kiss doctoral school good-bye. So I'm driving home and all of a sudden... I can't see. Everything was distorted, I can't even explain it. So then my vision comes back... and goes away again... and comes back.. and goes away. I have absolutely no idea how I made it home without getting into a car crash. I was scared to death. At home I rested in bed and after about a total of an hour, my vision came back to normal.

Next day I wake up for work and I'm depressed and anxious about going in. I am thinking about my eyes. I get in the shower to begin getting ready for work. And it happens again. Lasts for about an hour. Called in sick to work.

For the rest of the day my eyes are fine. I'm starting to think about how it might be stress related-- or almost like a conversion disorder or something. I am scared that it is going to happen during therapy. So at 5 PM I head to therapy. I'm telling him about my eyes.... I start talking about something upsetting.... and there goes my vision again. Normal vision for a couple minutes... then complete distortion... can't see for a couple seconds... return to normal.... then distortion...

And he was so wonderful through the whole thing. At this point I wasn't even panicking because it was the 3rd time it had happened and although I was scared that something really awful is happening to me, I was also thinking rationally at the same time. He told me that he wouldn't let me drive home like that and that I should call my husband and he would stay with me until my husband arrived. So I called my husband to take the subway up to therapy so that he could drive me home in my car. T told me that he thinks it is stress related, but also told me I better see the doctor. (I am making an appointment on Monday with an opthamologist). Then we were sitting there and he said, "So, should I tell you a funny story about a therapist I know?" And he told me a story. He never told me a story before. I loved it. Then he told me to just close my eyes and tell him about the funny things my birds do.

When my husband called to tell me that he was outside, T walked me down the stairs to make sure I got down safely. A couple minutes after I left therapy, my vision returned to normal.

Today my vision has been completely normal. No episodes.

I think there are a lot of reasons why this could be happening. This past week has been one of the most emotionally difficult and distressing times that I have ever had. In addition, I haven't been eating very much at all. When I am upset, my stomach is upset and my IBS reacts... I lose everything in my system. It has been very hot, and I haven't been drinking water. In addition, I stopped my medication cold turkey. (Stupid, I know). Stressed, dehydrated, anxious, depressed.... It is interesting that each time I had an episode with my vision, it seemed to be connected to something anxiety provoking. And today, a Saturday, when I was able to relax with no school work, no job, no internship... just going out shopping with my friend..... it didn't happen at all. I hope it doesn't happen again, it is soooo %#@&#! scary. However, I am still going to get it checked out by the doctor.

I am looking forward to seeing T again on Tuesday.