My mother often stated that she wanted me to move back to the place of origin.

For many years I did not really understand what happened in my family of origin, so I was not looking for a mother figure. I began therapy two years ago. I am still developing an understanding.

At times I yearn to have a new mother figure, but mostly I am working on accepting the finality of it: I did not have a caring mother figure then and I am not going to have one now. At these latter times I mourn the loss and try to look inside myself for ways to develop the internalized support that should already have been developed from a mother's care.