My disorganized thoughts are getting a lot worse. I can't have a one minute conversation without forgetting what I'm talking about. I pause for a long time to the point that I get really frustrated and upset with OCD making me obsessive causing me to think about how I'm going to lose the thought. I only can't look at people in the eyes ever since I've heard about such a thing. OCD makes me look away because other people can't do it.

I need to know why my mom was crying this morning. I think I was too symptomatic last night forgetting my glasses on the table, going back and leave the juice that was on the table that my step dad pointed out. I can't see what he was showing me. Making tea and taking out peanut butter, coffee, not knowing what I was doing so I told them that my meds were making me feel really stupid or that it's the illness.

She had tears I think and I can't handle that. I want to stop my meds but starting on Tuesday, I'll have all my meds and I'll be content, in control..

And I'll make my family proud.

I believe that I'm some sort of a genius. There's a huge connection with everything. I keep thinking of really amazing thoughts and forget. They are connected. I can then solve the worlds problems.

I know that's a bit symptomatic (like a delusion of grandeur but I have to have a big ego or high self esteem to deal with my life) but I really believe that I have an amazing potential but my motivation is gone if I don't take Concerta. When it wears off, I try to write and delete while giving up so I go to bed.

This is the main reason as to why I get high. So I can focus and figure things out and basically kill my lack of motivation coming from schizophrenia because the lack of motivation in ADHD doesn't get this bad.

I believe that I'm a threat to the world because things that I think about sometimes.

I couldn't write this without Concerta. Only a few sentences. Right now, Concerta just made me type this not thinking that I always write like 10x more.

Chemicals, everything. It makes no sense. We know nothing about the brain and these drugs.