I get this situation. I understand that it may seem odd, but some men have been forced by society to play a dominant role throughout their lives, and at some point just need to be submissive by letting someone else take the dominant position.

I'm like this too. In bed I've always expected my wife to take the lead and say what she wants. As a male, it can be over too fast otherwise. In my case I'm bisexual so there's a level further I want my wife to go. I would like her to "make" me do gay things such as **** sex, sucking on penises/dildos, rimming her, etc. This is kind of a balance point between her dominance, my submissiveness and my homosexual side.

Your husband likely just wants to submit to you, doing whatever you ask or what you desire....with YOU in control. You can't tell him that you desire him to be in control. He wants you to put him in his place. He wants you to reward him when he does right, and punish him when he does wrong. Even calling him names will let him feel your power over him, as he can't respond without getting a punishment.

Normally this all happens naked, though even getting to the point of "letting" him be naked can be a control feature. You are right to make sure that you don't "really" want to hurt him...he is likely looking for some pain to raise the level of arousal, but too much pain can remove any desire.

Now I know that this doesn't do much for you, but like some parts of relationships you may have to play a role. It may not be a normal role, but it appears to be one that gives him satisfaction and pleasure.

I'll give you one last example. I hurt my back many years ago and I cannot feel my penis...I have difficulty maintaining an erection and having an orgasm. Now periodically I do actually ask my loving wife to squeeze my testicles until it hurts. Why you ask? So I can feel something down there. She says she doesn't want to hurt me, but in reality sometimes I just need to feel, even if it is pain.

I hope my perspective helps, even if it is a level "odder" than what your husband wants.