I talked to my boss. I will update you guys tomorrow but it's almost 3 am and I'm exhausted and have church tmrw.

I like the new T as well. She said she went into the public healthcare system because she wanted to help people who were really ill and probably couldn't afford a therapist. She's kind and she's gentle but still pushes. I need someone who talks to me gently like that right now, my self-esteem is horrible and I feel so fragile.

I also like that she's a bit bossy, I kind of need that right now. I need to be pushed for my safety. Things like pushing me to take my meds and eat regular meals and stuff.

Sometimes I start thinking again about my old unethical therapist and wondering what it is that made me stop mattering at all to her. I'm trying to tell myself she's just someone who used to be in my life, and it doesn't really matter anyway. New T keeps telling me I need to stop blaming myself and it will be easier.