Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueGreenTabbyCat
Your bulimia IS a big deal!
When I started to relapse, I had one episode a month...then it became twice a month, then once or twice a week...before I knew it I was in a mess I couldn't get out of.
No one chooses to be bulimic- it's not a lifestyle choice, it's a problem with mental health and an act of desperation- no one likes being sick, no one wants to be unable to cope or eat "normally", no one invites this. If you are struggling, it is a big deal, it does matter and there is no 'mild' to bulimia no matter how frequent or infrequent, it can easily become worse and it's very difficult to live with. If you are able to stop and just don't want to, you are clearly unwell (wanting to be bulimic is not a happy way to want to live) but if as I suspect, you want to stop but can't, then there really is a problem and you need help, there is no hierarchy with mental health, it all matters.
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I believe it's true - once you open the can of worms with bulimia, it can be hard to stop completely. It can always get worse and then totally out of hand depending on what stressors are there because it has opened a new pathway as a method for coping. Even doing it once is damaging to your self and your body, and that is a big deal. Each time you do it, no matter how frequent or infrequent, it makes that pathway stronger. It is a good thing if it is mild because you can get help early on and try to deal with what is triggering the behavior.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, and be kind to yourself instead. You are a big deal, you matter and you are important. You are a unique individual with many good qualities and abilities, even if you can't see that yet. Keep looking and don't give up until you find the beauty within.
__________________
"When it's good, it's so good,
when it's gone, it's gone."
-Ben Harper
DX: Bipolar Disorder, MDD-recurrent. Issues w/addiction, alcohol abuse, anxiety, PTSD, & self esteem. Bulimia & self-harm in remission