I work all week and I do fine ... busy all day , tired at night , a little tv and sleep .... of course the sleep sucks

I go to hell on the weekends .... because I am not busy ...

*** I THINK **************** TO MUCH ***********

so fu**ing simple ... sleep as much as possible and flood my mind with "stuff" all the rest of the time ... ...

movies, tv, eating, masturbating. cursing, dancing , plotting, singing, reading ..coloring, fu**ing around the house

but NEVER give my mind a chance to wander, to roam , to attack me ..... stupify myself to the point of collapse ...simplfy my mind to goo with constant dribble ... of course I could bust myself helping others , nah to much like work ...

that is why xanex works so well for me ... it's not stress it's my mind that hates me ... and xanex turns it off .....

I can see why so many drink ... does not help with psych issues does not help with stress ... it turns your fu**ing mind off ...

I am not mad ... maybe not even bp ... just my mind is too BUSY .... unlike "normal" people it never leaves high gear ... our minds never slow down ... we numb our whole bodies with these damn drugs .... we don't need to stop our MOODS we just need to kick our minds out of high gear ......

It's why I love bondage so much ... it's not the being bound ... it's not sex ... being unable to move .. unable to see or talk ... maybe unable to hear .... focuses your attention like a laser beam ... my mind becomes single minded ....

and that brings me peace .... if only for a little while ....