Quote:
Originally Posted by crosstobear
I have two vertical scars on my left wrist. From the scars you can tell there were stitches, and you can tell they were very deep. I won't get into anything that may trigger someone, but they were the result of a deliberate plan involving multiple methods to end my life, and I was as a result clinically dead for a couple of minutes, and through some way resuscitated (not because of the cuts, but because of the other methods I used. They wreaked havoc on my organs). I had to be taken off lithium and all that stuff I was on, and the effects of my overdose and sudden withdrawal made me manic. A doctor came and saw me for two minutes and assumed my energetic mood was due to "getting the attention and validation I needed" and told me he thinks I'm borderline. Then I asked for a couple minutes so he can explain this to me and he gave me a look of wary disgust and walked out. People cut for different reasons. With borderlines it's more to focus on the pain and bring some sense of peace and control. Sometimes it's to put into action words they cannot express regarding others, or to show others their pain. And even these "borderline" reasons are valid for other people who engaged in cutting. My reason to cut was not for those reasons, hence they were vertical and not horizontal or diagonal. But that doesn't stop a busy psychiatrist who sees you as a number for five minutes to slap you with a label that can change your life...
Today I often wear short sleeves and don't care. Most people can't see the scar unless they really focus. I've asked people if they want me to take a picture and send it to them, since they are so interested. That usually embarasses them and they stop. I don't really care for people seeing my scars, it's the arrogance of assuming you know about the person's character based on it that bothers me. But I don't put it past humans.
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That is a powerful story. I cannot imagine feeling bad enough to make a serious attempt on my own life. I have never been suicidal. I've been very psychotic and have heard voices commanding me to kill myself, but I never acted on that; instead I called my psychiatrist to put me in the hospital for a few days so I could be safe while I inevitably had to get a medication adjustment and/or change.
You're correct that people self injure for many different reasons, it is not at all borderline PD exclusive. I self injured while psychotic, needless to say my motives for said self injury were very strange by the nature of the underlying cause which was schizophrenic psychotic episodes, and not at all the more "typical" reasons for why someone would do that. When I'm not severely psychotic I cannot even imagine causing myself deliberate harm at all. Why would I? I am a full blown Narcissist(I use the term "Narcissist" as shorthand to describe my personality dysfunction but there are also plenty of perks to having NPD as well but I will spare everyone that novel of a post at least for today, ha ha ha), there is no way in hell I would do that in my right mind, that is only something I've done when my state of mind has been beyond compromised.
That doctor calling you a borderline sounded like he was overworked and ignorant at best or just a straight up moron at worst. I've read a fair amount of your posts, and although this is only the internet there is nothing I've seen in your posts that would point to any of the traits of BPD.