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Originally Posted by musinglizzy
Skyscraper, I really am enjoying your posts... because you take words right out of my thoughts. I agree that it is SO sad to hear someone say we need to mother ourselves, "find it within ourselves," etc. Like you said in a former post....we've spent our lives doing that, and now just seeing a little respite in therapy. Let someone else give us a break and take over for just a little while. It doesn't happen, but it sounds nice. All-Heart, your posts about your T warm my heart..... what you have is incredibly special, and I know you cherish it!
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Skyscraper does have great wisdom!! And thanks, ML. I do cherish her. I really don’t know what I did to deserve her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahSweden
Thanks for sharing. How did you find this woman? If you´d like to share that. Is she older, like she could have been your mother? In what way is she a mother figure to you, can you turn to her for a hug for example?
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SS – This woman is actually my 68 year old T. She is about 22 years older than me. I didn't see it coming when I started therapy with her a little over a year ago. It was very unexpected. I can turn to her for anything, anytime – hugs, laughter, support, wisdom, and everything else. She does the same with me, but not to the degree I do with her by way of support and wisdom. We get angry and annoyed with each other but it doesn’t change the love we have for each other. It’s amazing.
I have severe self-loathing tendencies so I don’t always understand why. Why did she break all of her boundaries for me? Why did she choose to take crappy old me in under her wing? She tells me because our hearts have an undeniably strong connection, and her heart makes the rules. She also told me that I am so much like she was and is, so that’s a big part of it also. I try to remember this when I am in a deep, dark funk and want to push her away (like today
).
Even though she fits the bill, I really don’t view her as a mother figure. I view her as a special someone who just so happens to be an older female. It’s hard to explain, really. Maybe because I had a toxic mom I am unable to identify the mothering aspect in my relationship with T. Or maybe I am truly able to see her for the special individual she is. IDK. At any rate, I do know I am incredibly lucky to have this woman in my life.
Again, I am in my mid-40’s. I never thought it possible, and it sure took a long time til it happened. And so to get even more cheesy and sappy, I encourage anyone who is looking for that special relationship with an older female not to give up. I believe there is nothing wrong with wanting it. And there can be great healing in finding it. It was not an easy road getting to this point with my T, but this post has gone on long enough!
PS - Thank you so much for asking about this, SarahSweden, and to MusingLizzy for reminding me how I really cherish this woman. Writing this has helped me to get past the wanting to push away my T (because I am in a terribly dark place today). I am extremely fortunate to have her and I am going to call her now so she can help get me out of this bull**** darkness. THANK YOU both!
