It sounds like some pretty rough things happened, and my heart goes out to you for a difficult experience.

I want to let you know that, unfortunately, I can relate to the semi-accident -- and it can be a difficult thing to cope with, especially immediately after. I'll begin something with the best of intent, and partway through realize that what I'm doing is actually hurtful/destructive/etc. At some point I'll bail out or backpedal, but I have a lot of hard questions for myself afterward. When did I realize that I was doing something wrong? Did I stop as soon as I could have? Feeling as though I must have pushed ahead wrongfully willfully.

It's haunting when things turn sour, and I'm sure that of hurting a pet adds another level of emotional pain. I'm sorry that this is scary as you try to understand what it means for your future.

There are things that you've done that are good. You fixed the situation. You know that it went horribly wrong. You've understood that this has implications for the future, and you grasp the gravity of the situation. I know you're reeling right now, but I have faith that you'll move in the right directions. Hang in there, Rosegirl

-:- M