My name is Brina. I am 25 years old and I have 2 kids. I have been battling depression and anxiety problems my whole life. But I have noticed or it has been brought to my attention the past 3 years that I am having severe mood swings extremely happy, pissed off , distant, bossy and controlling or depressed and sad. There is nothing else. .I have no happy medium anymore. I have panic attacks that wake me from a sound sleep. I have irrational fears, I get paranoid over things like going outside after dark and riding in cars, In the last year I have started noticing I see black shadow figures in the dark and when I turn the lights on they aren't there, I am terrified to go to sleep at night, I have isolated myself from everyone I no longer have any friends, I have been in an on and off again relationship for almost 11 years now and to say the least I hate him with a firery passion, most of my family have quit talking to me because I am just mean anymore. They tell me I have more moods than the ground has grass. I don't sleep much a few days a week then for 3 to 4 days all I do is sleep. People tell me it is like they don't want to be around me because they don't know which side of me they are going to have to deal with. I am in so much debt from frivilous spending, at the high points I will meet a guy online and go have sex with him, I break down into tears for no reason at all, I have only ever had 3 jobs back in 2002 I quit 2 after a few months b/c I couldn't deal with people and was fired from one because of a lack of emotion when there was a theft on gasoline. I have been in and out of therapy for 10 year and on several medications but things only seem to be getting worse the older I get. Most people drown themselves in drugs or alcohol, well I went that root but because I moved in with family I can't do that so I drown my depression in food which is costing me my health being 380 pounds or as my therapist says my Self Destructive Behavior. I am in a constant fog, I hate leaving my home, and I can't deal with people anymore. It is like my mind never shuts down. My family keeps trying to force the issue of me signing up for Social Security Disability and we constantly argue over it because I see no point in it, I tried last year and was denied. They all tell me I need to snap out of feeling and acting the way I do but I can't. I'm so lost in the midst of it all I don't know if I am coming or going anymore. I am not really suicidal because I don't really want to hurt myself even though I have already planned it out I am passive about it and if I die I die. My sister brought up the idea of me having a Personality Disorder, my mother thinks I am Bipolar, and my therapist tells me that I have severe depression, anger issues, anxiety problems, and my issues with people and always feeling like they are judging me. Any insight from anyone......