Hi all. I'm doing quite horrible at the moment. All doors are locked and inside this room I'm trapped! At PC I love alot of ya,..I always worry when I post if I'm making someone mad who doesn't post a reply at all. Outside of PC I often ask strangers for love. We're all strangers at some point at PC,..and continuelly grow and learn and soon arer invited in as family. Loved, cared for,..and sympathized as if we where in a home together.

For the past year, I've drasticly changed for the worse. I play online games and while playing I find myself expressing my pain to strangers just on to have fun. Luckily I've met a few who sympathize me and hold me up at my loweste point. I'll get on websites like myspace,facebook, try and meet new ppl, often putting my depression as if its my personality,...and its not.

I have a big problem PC,..I"m truly dieing as a person,..i'm 17 a time if terrible emotional changes, yet mine stays solid,..now ups downs,...nothing.

All I do is ponder on things I see in the world. one of the biggest things is sex/marriage/divource/love/lust. All of those things relate,...I don't know what either mean...there just a public name for sin in my opinion. To me divource is like taking a page out of a number 1 selling book,..and marriage is like writing a book itself,...the love/lust creating the sex and if 1 leaves,..it seems the relationship is lost.

I mentioned that because those are my thoughts,...no right,..no wrong just my thoughts,. I break down in tears over things like this,...irrational..perhaps...in the end it doesn't matter it gets me emotional..and I CAN'T stop thinkign about it....

So...how will I ever feel good about me,..when I hate me? A question many of us ask,...I'm soo easily fallin into...I love so easy...thats a downfall sin of mine thats terribly gone for the worst. I fall in "love"...so to speak to try and ease my own ppain...PC...I'm a horrible person......

My goals in life are to hae a Wife,..and a daughter..and perhaps a son if god chooses that. With those things,..I will never replace my wife, and will always love my daughter. Being 17 those thoughts are terrifying to have made clear already......I should be lusting,...and perhaps I am......

PC...I don't know where I stand...I'm in a mental health communitiy surrournded by tons of adults, teens, and those in between...yet asking from each all the love I can get....

There isn't really a question being asked...only an answer being told to my situation. Help the world find the missing piece to the puzzle PC,...it all lies in each of us...

Dustin

I want to thank each of PC's members including the mods,and all who run it and make it possible including myself. God bless you....whom ever that god may be...