i am still unsure of what has triggered things for me lately. the season i know is part of it...but surely not all.

i did okay here and there for a day or so, but it's not really letting up yet.

it is like i'm blending with some others but still don't know who. at the same time, it's like i'm having conversations (not anything even in depth or serious) and really am overall losing track of time more than usual.

i cannot really talk with who i am blending with when they are closer to the surface and go between trying to just go with it and trying to get them to talk to me. it just leaves me feeling strange since it's an in between kind of state...and it goes from feeling severely blended with them to not as severe with them closer to the surface some times more than others.

i try to ignore it too but it just makes me feel weird.

last night, i was ok until i don't know what happened..i started to feel this rage feeling and then a moment of fear and then like crying..and then it stopped and happened on and off for just a few minutes. it was so confusing because i know it wasn't me feeling that way..i had no connection to those feelings and wasn't thinking of anything to make me feel sad, etc.

more of why this is all bothering me is because i guess i am trying to put some meaning to it and make progress somehow instead of just going through it/feeling it.