I think we all require LOVE, in some form or another.
i also think we do not like ourselves all the time , which I think is natural. You are really young, and to tell you the truth
i was your age, when I got married. What a mistake!! We
all learn mistakes by going through it. I was trying to find
love in another person, because my DAD left us, and
divorced my MOM. It was such a painful time for our
family. I ended up getting a divorce at 24, which was very
depressing, almost unbearable. What I have learned is
that I don't need another person,husband, to make my life
better.
I hope I gave you some insight, but believe me, you will
find happiness when you least expect it.

I will also pray for you. ps. I don't think you are a horrible person,
please remember that.