I've had quick changing mood swings for quite some time now. They can change by the minute or hour..during the day if I keep distracted I'm usually content, but if I'm not then my thinking is Erratic and I get all worked up..especially if I'm alone. I get panicky and agitated. I have had some paranoia about certain people and with last weeks events it's become even worse. I think that my counselor is out to get me and I think my family is lying to me, listening to everything I say, stalking me. I just really am uncertain about how I feel. Last week I was really interested in my counselor and just wanted her to tell me I was okay, and this week I just want to hurt her for everything she has done, but I still want her to want me. It's that way with a lot of people. I also feel as if my mind is leaving me..my future plans are fading and I'm forgetting conversations and peoples faces quickly after I last see or talk with them. I don't know what to do, I'm really craving a drink and some sleep. I'd like to just end it all, give up. I'm tired of going at it with myself, all day.

I get myself all worked up and then question if I'm doing it to myself? If I can't get out of my self pity long enough to feel better?