The question is stuck in my mind, and I don't know. Why does anything matter? Why does the thought of devestating my mother pain me? I guess I've been detached lately, and suddenly I'm not so detached.

I thought I was doing better today, but if my thoughts continue as they are I ought to get myself admitted inpatient - they're dangerous. I just don't know. I'm so tired of facing things and wonder... you can guess.

I don't know. I'm starting to see some good in life again with this medicine, but I still feel like forgetting it all. And the fight is getting stronger in my mind, and I realize I may not be able to make it through this night alone as I am - my roommate's gone, as is everyone in my hall's section, it's Fall break. So I have three options, but I don't want to think about any of them, none are simple enough. Stay, go, exit... I wish there were someone unbiased to them all to help me decide, but I suppose they'd look at me and see potential and rule out exiting. Why won't I let go of it? It's too painful living and fighting.

Maybe I'll go back to my room and think, cry, and make some calls... oh how I don't want to face this anymore.