hi THE16THDOCTOR

I'm sorry you were abused as a child. But perhaps you would need to see another counselor about this so that you can start to heal.
The only thing I can suggest to you is the therapy. I use which is acceptance and commitment therapy based on research, which says that, trying to get rid of thoughts or feelings doesn't work. It just makes them come back stronger and in greater number. What it advises is acceptance. and defusion. Saying to yourself I am having these thoughts and watching them as they go out of your mind and keeping doing that till they stop which they always do, while at the same time getting on with the business of the day. I was wondering whether there are any in the flesh groups for victims of abuse in your area. Going to them might help. I hope and pray this does improve for you soon. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis