I don't have anyone I feel like I can talk to about this.

After suffering from several years of unemployment and underemployment during the recession, I was offered an amazing job opportunity out of state. My husband and I discussed it, and left the city we loved (only and hour and a half from where we both grew up) - including our families and most of our friends - and moved across the country. It was a culture shock, but we made new friends and tried to go out often. During this time, my husband decided to finish school without working, since I could financially support us in my new position. This was his third attempt at a degree, after dropping out twice in the previous 7 years from two different universities (both times he tried to hide from me, and I found out on my own). He started to complete his online program with my constant encouragement and check-ins (we went to see a therapist after the second drop-out, so we had a plan for how to be successful with our communication in this regard). I feel like this was the beginning of the problem.

He clearly missed his old work as a restaurant manager, but was intent on finishing his degree and becoming a librarian. He hated our new home in the Deep South, and complained a lot. I didn't blame him - I hated it, too. After two years, I was finally able to find work in a part of the country more suited to our personalities and lifestyle. It was still 1500 miles from our hometown, but I was immediately happier. I thought he was, too. However, my husband's depression just kept getting worse. I thought he was doing schoolwork, but I found out that he had taken a "break" without telling me. I was devastated, thinking he had dropped out yet again - putting him deeper and deeper into depression and significantly straining our finances. He said he missed his old job, so I encouraged him to just finish his last semester and go back to what he loved doing. That seemed to help for a little while, and he was looking at jobs and talking about what he wanted to do. Then he stopped, and hasn't started looking again since. A few weeks ago he told me he wanted to leave me and move back in with his mom back in our hometown, but he "didn't want to upset me" and that he "just hated it" in our new city. He's made no efforts to make friends, and even HAS a VERY close old friend in the city here! But he never wants to go out to see him. He just sits in our house alone all day, watching TV or playing video games. He's lost the motivation to do anything.

I got information through my EAP to get him free counseling, but the therapist was ineffective, and he said the sessions just made him feel worse. We're starting to feel a bit of a financial pinch now, since this new city has a higher cost of living than our old one, but he doesn't seem to have a plan to start working. He says his last school semester starts next month, and I have no choice to believe him, but I really have a lot of trust issues in this regard. He doesn't like talking about any of this with me.

My worries are starting to turn to panic. I have no idea how to help him, and I feel like our marriage is falling apart. We have some good days, but mostly he's dragging me down with him. We stay at home a lot, not talking, just watching TV of playing on our phones. He almost never goes to bed when I do, and either sleeps in when I'm up in the morning, or I find him in the morning sleeping on the couch. I've completely lost control of myself - I suffered two family deaths in the past 2 months and have had no one to talk to about it. I've gained over 40 pounds since we've moved to this city in May. All we do is sit on the couch and eat fast food, so it's not surprising. I'm usually a very active and athletic person, so this is exceptionally troubling for me. Again, my husband doesn't ever talk with me about these things.

I feel so alone, but I also feel like I'm not allowed to need anything because he's the depressed one. I don't want to complain and make things worse. Can anyone help me? I love him so much, and when he's not sick he's the absolutely light of my life. I still see him that way now, even though he isn't himself.