I'm trying to work on my self-esteem and confidence so that I can be more successful in life, and while on some days I make great strides and see clearly why it makes sense to be confident, other days (like today), I sink low into depression and suicidal thoughts. Last time this happened (a few days ago), it was so bad I told my mom that I felt like no one loves me, or ever will, and I wanted to kill myself so badly. She called my therapist for an emergency appointment, but by the time I got to that appointment (yesterday), I felt a lot better about everything and had no idea what I was thinking before, or what I'd even tell the therapist. I felt like I didn't need therapy. I've been getting my life in order, and I got a lot done. Tonight I guess I got stressed out by having to discipline my dogs for marking all over the house, so I feel like a failure, dogs are too much work, and then more depressive thoughts started pouring in and I had some suicidal thoughts again.

I'm up and down all the time. The downs can be quite scary, and then they're gone in a flash. What should I do? Just manage it and keep working on my self esteem? It seems like the downs are worse when I know I should be confident and positive instead.