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angelicgoldfish05
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Default Sep 23, 2015 at 04:53 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by HeavyMetalLover View Post
I experience splitting like this:
They're either for me or against me, black & white thinking , people are good or they're bad, there is never a middle ground. I hate life or I love life, never in between.

It affects nearly all my relationships including my relationship with myself. It's that little kid inside me that can't reconcile that the same person who loves me can sometimes be capable of hurting me. It's that little kid that makes that same person two separate people in my mind. I either pull people in close to me or I push them away... on purpose. I am afraid of being alone, fear abandonment , but also fear letting down my guard and allowing myself to be vulnerable to possible hurt, pain, abuse, even death & then when that fear strikes me to the core..... I push people away. I also turn it inward & am a perfectionist because if I make a mistake, I'm ****, I'm unworthy of love & I am nothing.

Umm, yeah, I have issues. That's why I'm here.
Well you are not alone. This is a great description of the issues I have too. I'm getting much better about the perfectionist thing... Well, with environment stuff (rebelling from parents who expected perfection with everything being neat and clean all the time.. Try being a kid and you can't make any messes anywhere. Kind of hard, kids are messy)... Anyways, tangent..

To answer the OP question, happens when even the slightest sign of abandonment.

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"When it's good, it's so good,
when it's gone, it's gone."
-Ben Harper

DX: Bipolar Disorder, MDD-recurrent. Issues w/addiction, alcohol abuse, anxiety, PTSD, & self esteem. Bulimia & self-harm in remission
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Thanks for this!
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