My God, those snap notes are EXACTLY right! Last night we had a big talk for the first time in months. I expressed my frustration with my husband that I feel like he hasn't made a decision in months, maybe even years. I have been pushing back my feelings of anger and disappointment for fear of worsening his depression, but this spoke to me so much! Thank you, Vital! This was amazing.

During our talk, we tried to talk through some tough topics. We hit back on his wanting to separate, and when I asked what he thought he could do back at home that he couldn't do here (get a job, make a fresh start for himself, etc.) he said that if he left me and moved back home "he'd HAVE to do it because he couldn't make a living otherwise". I felt sort of crappy when he said that. He said a lot of things like that, things that suggested how little he cares about my feelings in all this, but I know that is the depression talking and not him. He said he thought he was depressed because I wasn't good enough in bed, but then also admitted that he hadn't tried to initiate any intimacy with me in months (I have initiated everything to keep our love life existent). He just kept expressing disappointment and dissatisfaction with things I've tried to do to improve our life together, but offered no constructive feedback or offers for him to become more actively engaged. He wants to see a couple's therapist, which I am enthusiastically on board with, so hopefully that will start a positive chain reaction.

Am I selfish for feeling hurt and betrayed by all of this? I just feel like I've done everything I can to help him get out of this depression, and his biggest solution so far is to leave me behind. The sheer fact that he could even conceive of a life apart has completely shattered my heart and my self-confidence as a partner.