Quote:
Originally Posted by lunaticfringe
Thank you so much for asking this question. The issue we're having is that we're not connecting on an intellectual level or a sexual level. While I am a person with a very busy and multi-layered mind, he is a much simpler person, and this leads to us being unable to carry on few, if any meaningful conversations. I am a person who loves to talk and he would usually prefer sitting in silence. AND in my opinion sex has everything to do with the mind. As a friend said yesterday, "You're not turned on, you're not intrigued, you're not fascinated...". And this is exactly what it is. I love him very much and we are very close emotionally, very close friends, but it sort of ends there. It pains my heart to have to say all this because while I know it's true I just can't really imagine leaving him as our lives are very enmeshed and he would be devastated. I hope this explains things.
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This does clear things up and change things around in my mind.
This doesn't really seem to me like a 10 plus year satisfying marriage with the usual holes in it. That requires acceptance and personal transformation.
This to me sounds like two people who are holding onto something even though it might not be working.
It doesn't sound to me just like your needs aren't being met in this relationship. It sounds like you don't want to be in this relationship (no judgement or harshness intended).
The picture I am getting from you is that you know this isn't right for you but that you feel bad about it.
If this rings more true for you than yes
You can't give up what you need because you are afraid of hurting him. It isn't good for him to be in a relationship where the other person doesn't really want to be in either.
I think it is hard to give it up to find what you really need......
Here is the thing...I do think that someday you may find a different person who fits much better but they probably won't meet all of your needs either...at least not without a **** ton of work. Sometimes good relationships start with the passion and then are built.
So you do deserve more and you can get it but you also need to realize the limitations inherent in human relationships
I think the sex part is a pretty big deal. They say that sex is the barometer of a relationship.
Without sex it is actually just a friendship and we can have a lot of friends but technically you are only supposed to be lovers with your husband. So if there isn't passion and you feel like you are just close friends then yes that cannot be satisfying.
To be repetitive. This doesn't sound like a case of not getting needs met in an otherwise great marriage. This sounds like a case of a relationship with love and caring but otherwise no passion...which makes it not a romantic relationship. And we all need one of those.
I have to run but is it too forward to ask you why you guys have been engaged so long and haven't tied the knot?
And secondly, I'm still not understanding how Bipolar factors in here for you.
I would and have said all this **** to normie girl friends too