I have several issues I haven't mentioned that stop me going out to meet new people. A big part of me pushes people away recently too, even if someone writes to me.. I just know deep down that it'll be a disaster, and it's hard to think any differently after so much hurt in the past.

Thank you for what you wrote about my walk today. My feet are hurting and so is my back, but that's ok cos it isn't bad and I'll be back to "normal" tomorrow. I'll try and go out tomorrow too and I have an idea where I'll go too, if I can be bothered as it'll mean a very long bus ride.

Is there someone you can see about your back without being referred? My Mum sees someone about her back and other stuff too and it really helps. She can twist her around and do weird things and it seems to magically fix her. Could you afford to see someone like that? Or maybe get them to go to where you live if you can't get out?

I could afford to get a coffee and sit in a cafe, but it wouldn't help me meet anyone because nobody would come and speak to me. People in England aren't that friendly with strangers. Older people can be sometimes but even then, nobody would speak to me in a cafe. It's a nice idea though.

I haven't managed to find any support groups but if I asked my doctor they could probably suggest something. I'm nervous though about going to anything like that with people I don't know. I wish I wasn't like that but that's just how I am. Boohoo.