Sorry you have so much going on for you at the moment. You are very strong continuing to do all the things you do in spite of feeling so bad.
I have heard on another forum there may be somewhere you can go confidently.... Try google?
You can always phone a helpline in your area, I don't know what is in USA but there are organisations where people will listen and let you talk things through. Maybe try one of them, or a suicide prevention helpline. They won't judge you and you may find it helpful to talk to someone in confidence, they won't even know who you are but they do care. Can anyone else give details?