[QUOTE=misskeena;4681398]Totally understand this. I want to plan a graduation party, but I don't really want to put a bunch of time, effort, and money into it because I'm not sure who will really show up. Also...isn't a grad party something others should throw for you? Why am I buying my own cake and renting my own space? Thinking I should just save the $$ and go on vacation (by myself...because no one wants to/can get it together enough to go with me)[/QU

From my experience with BPD, take yourself on a vacation. Go to somewhere that you will totally enjoy and take yourself on all the dates you would have with others. Treat yourself like a queen. You deserve this after all the studying you have done. Forget the party!!!!! Everyone already knows you are graduating so they should be already planning it and they are not. That is the reality of our lives.

My 65th birthday is coming up and there will be no one to celebrate. Very few of us make it to this and I did, unfortunately. What I am saying is you and many others will someday come to the acceptance that you are the only one you have. It took me many years in therapy and a long lonely life. BPD does not produce long term successful relationships. When you come to this acceptance you will be your own best friend and do everything for you. I know this is difficult to say and hear but it is the reality of having this condition. I tried long and hard and did not win. I tried to prove to everyone and the professionals that I would be different that I would beat this. I am now what they predicted a old, lonely lady with BPD and no physical face to face support. I will someday be an old lonely nursing home client that is given sedatives to shut me up. Happens to most of us. Of course, most here will do what I did, fight this reality. Good luck.