I usually don't go silent. Once I didn't know what to talk about, and she thought I just didn't want to talk and got frustrated. Two other times I shut down. I get so upset where I can't talk. First time she just kept talking to me as if I was actually participating in the conversation. Then she finally became silent. Then she asked dumb questions like "Do you hear me?" "What do you think about...?" The second time I shut down, she said "Are you shutting down?" And then she went silent for 5 mins until I could speak again.

What she doesn’t seem to understand, though I've told her more than once, that when I shut down I need her to not be silent. I hate silence. But instead of sticking to whatever topic made me shut down, she needs to change it to something else. It could be anything else: how are my dogs, what do you think of the weather, how was your weekend. Something neutral. Once I calm down, then she can go back to the original topic and try again.