Hi Sunrise, I appreciate your response. I am also on ativan for my anxiety and ambien ...sometimes ambien CR for sleep. I am tired of the med. Tonight I was going to take a lunesta for the first time but somehow was scared off. Meds seem to be of the variety that I get samples from docs lately.... Bless them. Tonight I went to bed early and took 2 ambien CR at a half dose.... thought that would make a whole. Bummer. That was 3 hours ago. Now I just took a full dose of ambien non CR... just wishing for some sleep to go to work on tomorrow.

Glad to have this place to type as it is a nice release. In the past my pdoc told me that I needed to take ambien at the same time so ... I hope this last one has a chance.

Too many things going on in my mind.

Yes I do know the feeling of being in a basketball area full of spectators and feeling alone and it does feel better to just be alone I think.

My kittens are actually close to 7 years old and I call them Sunny (Sunshine) and Cloud (Clouddancing). I do love my boys and they love their mom. They are working with me as they sense not all is right here. I was hoping that this is the week that things will be better (week three) and here I sit awake. Poo. I am hoping this most recent attempt will kick in shortly.

Tell me about your kitties.

I also found that my neice and her fiance are getting married in the fall on a cruise. I am happy for them but feeling left behind once again. That is partially the depression talking.

I went to my BIL's funeral and got back to town on Sunday July 1 and I thought I was just (ha) having mental issues but I was hospitalized for 3 days as of the 3rd as my kidneys were not working well, bp would not rise and I was dehydrated....had some fancy pneumonia and sepsis. So... I did go swimming yesterday and today a bit and am pooped. Better reason to sleep I SAY.

I am hoping for more hope this week from my pdoc on conquering this and sooner rather than later. I have been fortunate to have had supportive family or it could have been extra difficult. I think that it has been a mutual thing with my parents. They get a good meal and I help with the work to make it more manageable and I get alittle time with them.

I did try to nap today...mistake.... gremlins took over my head space...I should have expected it so I just hope to start to bed earlier with better meds. I look forward to decreasing the ativan and ambien..... big time.

Thanks on your input on the noise as I was wondering if it was just me...... like a psychotic depression... not good. Saw my PCP while pdoc away and my health is good again... but when I described a dream and voices he told me I might need to go to the hospital. Not in my plan....yikes. He said I seem pretty good though. I called him back from work to double check.... he said I am fine. So I think that I just keep taking meds in hopes of it all finally coming together.

I have lost 30 lbs during this time. So assuring myself of at least one good meal.... is a good thing... with the folks. Otherwise I work on at least one more meal.

Thanks for listening.....I hope and think I can get some sleep now. Dang well tootin I hope. :-)

I hope you are well with all that is giong on with you. You are a strong and wise woman.

later..