I guess I've always had different alters in control... all but two.. they are the most protected. My alters are pretty much co-consious.. so managing life happens..

my two most protected alters are 12 and 14 years old..

The 12 year old got triggered by an event completely outside of PC.
We were trying to find help for her and made everything worse.

She has most basic of control now.. sharing her awful, terrible pain with the rest of us.. She has never done this before so it is a shock to our system, our emotions and our body.

She has almost all the emotional pain from being groomed and sodmized by the pedophile.. and so she is now "sharing" that with the rest of us. It is like being back in time feeling all those feelings "exactly" like it was back then.

Not a "flashback", a re-living... and since the relationship with the pedophile was several years and not one event, we are feeling the beginning, the years with him and the end of the relationship.

Alot to feel in a weekend... if any one can understand that.

She is crying actually sobbing would be more accurate. And she won't stop.. so I'm not sure how we are going to make it thru the next few days.. my son and best friend will need to be told to "stay away" with excuses.. it will be tough to sound normal..

There isn't anything that I can do for her or for us. There isn't any one there for her to hold her hand.. and she will not take ours.

So I am 12 again... in horrific pain with no one that understands... So I'm not sure what is going to happen to us.. her crying... the impact of the pain thru our system.. we are all in so much pain..

I guess people don't really understand the path to co-consiousness... but this is it.. she is finally "distributing" her pain to all of us.. Therapists don't really understand it.. they just understand it in theory... not in reality.

so we now have co-consiousness with everyone..

yeah.. should be celebrating.. right???

except none of us want to do anything.. there are no fixes here..

there is the reaction from the older alters a complete loss of hope - they "finally" understand that "love" is a myth. - all love..

please I put this here for me.. if I don't let some of the pain out, I am not sure what I would do..

please remember that the 12 year old is really the controlling element here.. she is here in the now.. present..
so please try not to hurt her.

I share this so maybe others will also understand the process...

she is making us throw up again...

I wish every one well...freewill