I don't think you are bitter. I think it is really hard to go through this and watch people respond to meds when that doesn't always happen for you. I know it is for me. Monday my pdoc told me that she has me and one other woman that she just can't get stabilized. And while I appreciate her honesty I can't help but wonder what is WRONG with me that I can't be like the rest of her patients? I am so tired of feeling bad and trying ever harsher meds and experiencing ever worsening side effects. There is an new AP we were hopeful about for me and then I discovered that the risk of EPS is really high and the risk of akathesia is even higher and since I'm really susceptible to both that med isn't going to work for me. And the other new med is related to one I already failed spectacularly on so it probably won't work. The Seroquel that has worked more or less for years isn't working so well and I need a new AP but it looks more and more like that will be clozaril. Which I'm afraid of.

And all that does frustrate me and make me angry and very sad and adds to my depression. I feel jealous of people who respond to meds and who don't have to fight quite so hard. But I think that is normal and healthy.

I also think it doesn't matter what other people think. I know my family tries to get it but it's hard to understand that I may well still be in bad shape in 3 weeks despite increasing my AD and potentially making another change or two by then. Or I'll be IP doing ECT. I just don't know yet. And that's frustrating for people trying to make plans with me.

I don't have many friends so it's mostly just family who put up with it and I think they feel like they sacrifice so muh. But compared to what I sacrifice it is nothing. They'll survive.

I just think your feelings are valid.