freewill,

I haven't gone through anything like you have gone through, so only imagine the pain that you must have gone through......however I have gone through other pains that in their own way were very harmful......& restricting was just the only thing at the time that I could control.....even though I don't think I was consciously doing it.....I was just feeling nausea from all the stressful pain I was going through & it just seemed natural to not want to eat when I was feeling nausea.....& that is the one feeling I have always gotten since I was a child when I am stressed (so I am probably not alone it that feeling).

I do remember one time, that I was at the point where restricting was in my thinking my way of ending my life.....because I didn't care anymore.

My past is over.....it can't be changed, but my future can.....& that is what I have to focus on now......because now is my future & continues to lead to my future.....& that is all I can focus on.

So if a puppy will give you something to focus on other than on yourself & your pain, they please.....get that puppy that needs all the unconditional love it can get because that is all puppies have to give is unconditional love....& that is what you are in need of....especially since it isn't something that is easy to give to ourselves.

Take care of yourself now......there is no need to continue to hurt yourself now......the past can't be changed, but you can go on now & make a new life for yourself now.....the society that continues to hold your past over your head needs to be left if at all possible. It is hard enough to put the past out of your own mind let alone when there are others trying to do the same thing (which is wrong of them)

I hope a few of my words will make sense & that you can take a bit of what I say to heart.....you had no control over what happened to you in your past, but you have control over your future....& that is the control that you neet to take....not the control over restricting.

Please take care,
Debbie