Message people from the past. An ex for example. This is a habit. I'll go months (in fact it has been almost a year) without saying a word to her then suddenly I feel a need to message her and see how she is doing. Nothing mean happened yet this time but I feel that it is not really the best choice since it's unpredictable. I get nervous and I feel like I want to talk more and more. I do not have much evidence, but she probably does not feel that way. I can see that because it is very one sided. I ask a question and she answers. That is really it. And she just stops responding completely a lot (which thankfully does not bother me as much as it once did).

I get other urges to get in contact with other people from my past as well. An example is a couple of old good friends who broke off a friendship when I was still friends with one of their ex's. Quite immature. They have not talked to me since but I really miss them. I don't know if I should try to reach out or not.
I even wonder how some people from High School are doing (that is 4 years ago).

Why do I do this? I cannot figure it out. And I don't know if it is bad or if I should accept it. My mother is extremely unsupportive of it and at a loss as well. She says "I don't know why you do these things!" Well, truth be told I do not really know either. "You open yourself up to nasty remarks", she says. And that could be true. I do not handle rejection well at all. But it is like some part of me wants to have a connection with people from my past. It's like I cannot fully let go...that I just want things to be the same again. It's like nostalgic feelings I guess. But why do I feel such a nerd to reach out to all those people?

Does anyone relate to this or have opinions/advice? I don't know if I should stop doing this (probably) but I do know that letting go is probably important and I'm not good at that. Help/speculations on why I do this?

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