^literally this, me right now. Me always. Except that for me it's not in slow-mo, it's fastforward lol. i'd think about my friends - those that i stil have - and my gf, rationalize why they aren't there, why they don't reply. "oh they must be busy and thats totally cool" but then when they send a message and disappear i begin thinking about how lonely i am, despair overwhelms me and i'm drawn to the darkness.

it happened today, again. i feel like i'm giving my whole and be as empathetic as possible to my gf but when she stops replying i feel abandoned. and then think about other bad stuff. and then start going off on my facebook like an attention seeking *****, but i cant help it because thats just who i am. a big baby who just wants attention, screaming woe-is-me. i know it's most likely thanks to my BPD, and it slowly sips through the cracks, i mean all the therapy i've done and doing still. but ******* it's twice and thrice crappy because i have dysthymia and it just makes stuff worse and damn i just wanna get over that.