In my session last week, I cried a lot. "You're grieving," said T. "I don't think I've ever seen you so sad." I have been sad a few times with him before, but the tears just kept leaking out this time. The week before had been filled with a lot of difficult and poignant situations, as the break-up of my marriage proceeds. My husband and I had told our kids we were splitting up, and that was very, very hard, and sad. Very sad.

I didn't know I was going to go to T's office and cry. I guess we don't plan for this, do we? I remember I kept thinking I would get this in hand after a minute or two and stop crying, but it just kept going on. I had to ask T for a box of kleenex--there were some next to him but none next to me--and there was something hard about having to make that request. Like an acknowledgement from me that my sadness was real, that it existed. That seems trivial, but I really remember that. It was interesting that he waited for me ask him, rather than offering me the box unprompted.

He told me it was OK to cry and to let it out and how glad he was that I felt safe to be sad there, in that space. I wanted to thank him for creating that for me, but couldn't, I was too caught up in grieving the end of my family.

I worried that when we told the kids, I shouldn't have cried. Because I did, I couldn't help it. But maybe I should have tried harder to be strong. T interrupted me and I got the "sunny, sunny, listen to me!" speech as he pulled close and told me it is OK to be sad, and healing for the kids to see that I am sad about this. It lends more meaning to our family, that it is something I am so very sad about ending.

When we're done, I pause on my way out, by the door, where T is standing. He is talking and kind of spreads out his arms, and for an instant I envision them enfolding me. But it is just a gesture and then the arms are down and he continues to talk. What he is saying, I have no recollection. I am very close to him, face to face. As I turn slightly to go out the door, his arm comes up and around me, as it has a couple of times before, when he has given me little sideways hugs/squeezes around my shoulders. But this time, I am less sideways to him and as he reaches for me, I reciprocate and put my nearest arm around his waist and back, and we have a real hug. He feels good--solid, warm, alive. It is good to be close to him physically after sharing so much emotionally. It feels very natural, not awkward at all. Hug. Whoa. That felt good. Then it’s over and I am out the door. He’s so tall.