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Originally Posted by OneInBillions
Hey everyone. Another thread got me thinking. I've always had really high standards when it comes to dating and romance. Throughout my teens I chased after girls who were way out of my league, and always got rejected as a result. I've always been a bigger guy, and was morbidly obese by 16, but I've always been exclusively attracted to skinnier girls. Maybe it's self-loathing or something, I dunno. But from a sexual standpoint bigger women simply disgust me. Don't get me wrong; I've known some very kind, smart and wonderful big women in my life, but I can never see them as potential love interests or partners.
I know it's shallow and reprehensible. I know I focus way too much on appearance when it comes to attraction. And I think it's pretty common these days with portrayals of women in the media, porn, etc. But I cannot change it. It's just the way I am. Now I'm resigned to being a virgin for life because I know that no one I'm interested in will return the feeling.
Is there some psychological term for sky-high standards? Or could it be a symptom of something else? A relationship or personality disorder? All I could find on Google is perfectionism but that doesn't seem quite right. And it doesn't really fit with depression or anxiety, I think, unless it's hatred and disgust for my own obesity.
I really hope this doesn't offend anyone; that's not my intention. I'm just wondering if this is just another part of my broken personality, or something more.
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High standards are not necessarily the problem, as much as it is a double standard more than anything. You expect and look for women based on a high standard of healthy weight and lifestyle while you yourself do not hold yourself to such standards.
having standards of any kind is not really a "symptom" of anything. It could be an indicator of other issues though. Like being someone that goes after women that in spite of your brain saying they are "out of your league" (which is a myth by the way, although I fall for it too as there is no league or set standard by which certain women pick men.. and they are all individual. what they like and would choose is entirely independent of any "standards" but their own. There is no league) but getting back to my point, going after women you, in your mind, believe strongly will turn you down anyway speaks volumes about a lot of things that might be going on. That is something I would focus on and try to resolve.
Also I come back to this, but if you set such high standards for ladies physically, do you think maybe holding yourself to the same standards might put you in a place where more of them will notice you? Soemthing to think about.
hope this helps.