Quote:
Originally Posted by NowhereUSA
I don't know about dredging up anger. My T has told me that anger is often a secondary emotion and at least, for me, that tends to be true. If I'm angry, the question I have to ask myself is "Am I angry or am I hurt?" "Am I angry or am I frustrated at a situation?" Usually I'm experiencing another emotion and I'm using the anger to "deal" with it or to avoid it. Anger was a permitted emotion in my house and it got me the response I needed from my parents who pretended my depression did not exist. I realized later that I wasn't angry with my parents... I was hurt and that I could deal with that hurt differently.
That's not to say anger doesn't really happen, but if you find yourself having to dredge it up... maybe it's another emotion you have work through?
Sorry if that makes no sense. I have a toddler.
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And that's the thing. I feel like I'm already at that other emotion; hurt.
I get why I should be angry at this parent, but I feel like I'm past that and in full awareness of the heart of it all. Hurt & sadness and then empathy for them. It feels a bit like yelling at the clouds for raining. I feel like a lot of this crap they did just boils down this person's own childhood hurts, and the class system, etc they were born in to.
Our household didn't really allow Anger, it seems. We didn't get "angry" we didn't "argue" ... I was told. We bickered and we were depressed but no one talked about that. So I feel like I'm being told I should be angry in order not to internalize all the hurt that happened... Like Anger will help me get past my own self-loathing and depression. I can understand that but it's not coming to me organically.