I'm learning to ask for what I need. It helps if I have in mind what I need, which means really looking inward to find out what/why I'm hurting. It's been hard, but I try to just be direct about what I need. When she asks, it's because she doesn't know exactly what's wrong or how to fix it. I used to get so mad at her when she asked that question, but now I know that she'll do anything to help. The more specific I can be, the more she can do.

I sometimes answer "no" as well, when both she and I know that I do need something from her. She used to let it pass, but now she pushes me to figure out what I need. Importantly, I can't remember a time that I asked for something in specific when she didn't do it for me or give it to me. Advice, a hug, a long talk on the phone, a short call to tell me she's still there.

So - my painfully won advice: Step one is to figure out what you need. Step two is to find the strength to ask directly for it.