Well, in a way, I guess that is what I'm beginning to go about doing. (I already gave away my dozen roses though)... I'm trying to teach myself that sex and whatnot are just not that big of a deal. I'm 32 years old. Despite being a Christian, the whole waiting for sex before marriage thing didn't happen. Everyone is a sinner and doing something sinful all the time. So I do keep a confessional and repentant mind with God about it.

That being said, there's another guy I met a couple nights ago who seemed interested and we have started messaging a little. All the more reason I don't want to be exclusive with guy #1. Guy #2 told me about how great he is with sex. It's kind of a turn off to me how he was bragging about it, but what is to stop me from finding out? If I can get over my fears and insecurities about sex (normally I just detach, and using some substance like alcohol definitely helps numb the experience for me), then I could just go about safely having sex with different guys just to see what it is like with the different guys. I wish I could blame it on the manic side of bipolar, but I'm not manic, so.... at this point it's just a curiosity and life experience for me. If I can ease up on the fear and insecurity... and if not, there's always good old alcohol - the trusted social lubricant for centuries past and still going strong today....